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Sunday, July 12, 2009

Fifty Nifty Sexual Terms

Easy now. It's not what you think.

Even the average adult is somewhat curious (and perhaps appalled) by the title. But can you imagine a handout with definitions of terms like "69, bangin' and anal sex," nicely crafted and distributed to a seventh grader!?  Heck, I don't even want a handout like this.

Is this what sex education has become?

My family and I were having a discussion over the holiday about my seventh-grade God sister who was given a handout as part of sexual education class called, "Fifty Nifty Sexual Terms."

When you look up the phrase on the Internet, nothing educational for a seventh grader is worth mentioning. How is knowing the "69" relevant? Isn't that a different type of sexual education?

Needless to say her parents were highly upset and questioned why parents were not informed (through permission slips) of this class and why abstinence was not being encouraged along with the assumption that "they [teens] are going to do it anyway." The explanation? Something along the lines of socioeconomic conditions vs. environment vs. the need...yada yada yada.

1990s: I remember health class. Back then, sex ed was part of health class and limited to a certain number of weeks within a semester (generally after we'd learned nutrition and exercising). Sex education was about applying a condom, the reproductive organs and a place where you could ask questions that could have been too embarrassing to ask at home. Any frivolity was left in the class and to the comments made by my classmates. It was at the discretion of the instructor whether to answer such questions like, "can a girl get pregnant from pre-ejaculation?" [I had to channel a high-school, hormone raging boy for that question. Believe me, it was even more blunt.] Most times the teacher answered the questions because they knew although asked inappropriately, there was a need to know the answer. I wondered was this "keeping it real" effort what was in mind when distributing this form.

Bottom line: My God sister's parents were the only parents to remove their child from the class. They've said that they teach their child about sex but are not ready to teach her about "anal sex" or the "69." The administrator did not review the material the "instructor" was giving to the children, which is why she didn't know that these nifty terms were abound. My understanding is that the terms on the handout made some adults blush.

Perhaps the administrator needs an education on how despite what may be environmentally common, there are parents who preach and teach alternatives, with the caveat that as parents they are not all knowing.

Mickey

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Do I need to see all of THAT!?

Brace yourselves for yet another gym story. This one is short.

So my friend and I (the one from the "B*stard or Fat A*ss..." blog), went to a gym in another area. Not our usual spot, but we're adventurous that way. (LOL) Anyway, we were really excited because we'd found a kick-boxing class that turned out to be FABULOUS!

After the class ended, we were exhausted. I mean sweat-filled shirt, brow doused, TIRED!

We sluggishly walked back into the locker room and straight ahead was a woman - full monty, butt-bare a*s, free as a bird - NAKED! Are you kidding me?  Didn't a talented (and might I add very wealthy) inventor come up with something to cover all of that?  Why do I need to see your privates!? Arent they suppose to be PRIVATE!!!?


ARG!!!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not prudish at all. But seriously, it was like everywhere we turned, there she was - bush and all.  And I'm not talking about George W. She walked to where we were washing our hands, back to the lockers, over to the shower, back to the lockers...she was all over the locker room NAKED.

I mean, I dont need you to Captain Morgan me in the locker room. Seriously.

[Smile]

Mickey

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Who in the hell left the gate open?

As a kid, I loved to watch the gospel commercial with the preacher yelling, "Who in the hell left the gate open." I loved it because the religious joke was funny and of course no one really wanted an answer to the question. Today, the gates I'm referring to are the flood gates of identity theft. Now, that aint funny. And I want an answer.

You guessed it folks. I have been the victim of credit-card fraud. This may not be shocking to you, but for me, I was blind-sided. See, I am the "I know you're trying to get my social security number" and "I'm not using my pin at a gas station" conspiracy theorist. Yes, I'm borderline crazy when it comes to my personal information. AND CREDIT-CARD FRAUD HAPPENED TO ME. SO RUN FOR YOUR LIVES PEOPLE! just kidding...

Here's what happened...

I logged into my account and noticed consecutive charges totaling more than $300. I immediately called my bank, filed a claim and started working with the vendor where my card was used. I should preface that by saying, "where my NUMBER was used." See, the THIEF does not have the card but somehow has my card number and according the investigator, cloned the number, created a card for themselves and hit the town set to paint it red. Bastards. I digress..

Of course I'm not one of those idle citizens. I'm filing a police report and calling the state attorney general.  Did I mention that the charges were at a gas station/food mart in another state? Wait. It get's better.


In the process of investigating all of this, I politely put on my journalist "hat" and my "I'm very pissed off" scarf, and started asking questions. Here is what I found:
  • Did you know that there is a maximum of $100 that can be spent at a gas pump? (How the hell this is allowed, I don't know.)
  • Did you know that not all gas pumps require that you enter the billing zip code to use a credit card? Remember if you use your debit card, a pin is needed; if you use the credit option on your debt card (or if you use a regular credit card), the billing zip code is needed. Newsflash: It is not required nor mandatory state wide for consumers to use the billing zip code at the pump when using a credit card or the credit option of your debit card.
  • For gas stations, did you know that if someone clones your card but tried to use it inside the mart, the correct owner's name will appear BUT NOT AT THE PUMP? WHY!? (Sons of @$!@##!! )
I'm going to post an article on my Mickey Talks Topics blog with more sensible solutions and details about identity theft.

For this blog, I just had to say AHH COME ON!!


Mickey (pissed off and getting justice for all)

Monday, January 5, 2009

Well what do ya know...

I think instead of saying, "Ahh come on," I'm going to start saying, "HEAVENS TO MURGATROID!"

(LOL - my friend said this to me one night and I damn near lost my dinner! It's so funny how things from your childhood can be forgotten and then suddenly remembered. Also...I didnt realize how violent cartoons were back then. But that's a different blog.)

Check out Snagglepuss.  Even then, this cat had such a swagger about him.




Disclaimer: I dont condone shooting ducks or violence against animals for sport of any kind.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Make 2009 GREAT!


I wish everyone a very happy and prosperous 2009 [a year unlike Woody in the adjacent graphic :) ]

May your year be full of positivity, good health, wonderful friends and family, success and love.


Many blessings,

Mickey

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Karrine Steffans on Jermaine O'neal (video attached)

I don't know if this is an "Ahh come on" moment or more of an "Ooo da*n" situation. You decide.

Karrine Steffans has become synonymous with the term "vixen" due to her 2005 tell-all autobiography and best-selling novel, "Confessions of a Video Vixen." Steffans has catapulted to the leads of mainstream entertainment, from Tyra to Oprah - everyone wanting a voyeuristic look into the life she lived as a video actress and her scandalous rendezvous with various celebs. Several derogatory terms have been used to describe Steffans, but what is undeniable is her effort to remove the "video vixen" label and press forward as a devoted mother, entrepreneur and novelist.

Below is post that can be seen on her site (Karrine) where she's decided enough is enough. I don't think it's ever too late to change your life, but for women, when you are labeled...it's hard to erase the brand. We live in a world of double standards, and for Steffans, her life as "superhead" may be difficult to forget considering she's made a successful career out of blowing the whistle on the celebrity men with which she's been intimate.

Don't get me wrong. This sister is articulate and smart and I wish her all the best, but I hate to see that her reputation still follows her.


Sunday, December 28, 2008

Funny Pet Peeves

My friend and I were having a great conversation about pet peeves when we decided to expand the conversation to other friends and loved ones clearly out of sheer madness :). What did we determine? We are all a special kind of crazy. [Smile]

Here is a list of pet peeves I've gathered that some consider to be the ultimate pet peeves (gross, nerve wrenching, etc.), but in some cases, I consider them to be down right funny. Enjoy... 

  1. Brushing Teeth Outside of the Bathroom. My friend says most hygiene should be kept in the bathroom. "I don't need to see it or smell it."
  2. Public Spitting.  Watching spit leave your mouth and dangle in mid-air like Michael Jordan is disgusting.
  3. PDFR (Public Displays of Feet Rubbing). Taking your shoes off and rubbing your feet in public can apparently be bothersome. Some say once you rub your feet and touch other objects, "feet juice" will be all over the place. (Just typing this made me chuckle)
  4. Close Encounters. Talking so close to someone's face that you can smell what they have eaten.
  5. Touched by Strangers. There's a story to this one. My friend damn near had a conniption when a stranger bumped her and felt so bad about it that they apologized profusely but kept rubbing her back to soothe the pain. My friend didn't want the rubbing. And the pain was gone long before the rubbing...and long after. But the rubbing continued. [LOL]
  6. Sandwich Pressing. Making a sandwich and pressing down on it with your hands. The imprint of the fingers on the sandwich drives my husband crazy.
  7. Residual Spit on Books or Magazines.  Ever wet your fingers to help turn a page? Leaving something behind other than the occasional ear-mark or highlight is nasty. Ewe. 
  8. Surprise Stepping.  There's nothing like fresh-cotton socks. But stepping in a wet spot with socks on is unnerving for some. 
  9. Crowded Food. Different foods touching on a plate. (I don't get this one at all.)
  10. Share and Share Alike. Ever been in the club and a random stranger asks to use your lip products? Umm yeah...that's not cool and it's gross.
  11. Blessing Food. Not what you think. It's sneezing over food while preparing it. And folks, I'm not talking about covering your mouth either. Ewe.
  12. DWP (Driving While Picking). Because you're in a car does not mean you're invisible. There are windows. STOP DRIVING AND DIGGING! :)
  13. Impolite Flatulence ( a.k.a. - crop dusting).  Here is another gym story for you. My friend and I were on the StairMaster and got a sudden and horrible smell. We were already breathing heard so the more we inhaled...you get the point.
  14. Stop. Drop. Flush. Not abiding by the courteous "drop and flush" bathroom rule is rude to some.
  15. Food-mobbing. Someone who admires your food and inappropriately smells and/or points at it
  16. Grab Bag. When someone offers food (i.e. chips) and the person WHIRLS their hand around in the bag before getting what they want out of it...as if each potato chip is different and the choices are immense.
  17. Toothpaste Squeezing.  This is just crazy. The logic behind this (so I've been told) is that if you squeeze in the middle of the tube, you'll have to expend more energy to get the rest of the paste out of the tube as the paste runs out. But if you start to squeeze from the bottom, you'll get more out of the tube. Go figure.
  18. Tissue Placement. Over not under. (This is another one I don't get. Who cares? Isn't it all going to be used?)
  19. Show Interruptions. Ever been in the middle of your favorite show and someone walks in and says, "What happened?" Now to fill them in on what they missed, you'll miss at least eight minutes of the show because you know they'll have questions. [smile]
  20. Live Movie Commentary. Watching a movie with unwanted commentary from the audience like, "Fool, don't go in there!"
  21. Hairy Soap. Soap with random pieces of hair on it (long, short, etc.) Ewe.
  22. I don't know what to call this. Waking someone up and then saying, "Oh I'm sorry. Go on back to sleep."  Was there another option?

Monday, December 22, 2008

That was close.

I had a nightmare last night and woke up crying. I literally felt my eyes and face frowned (like so) and I heard myself crying.



The nightmare? I showed up to work two hours late and they fired me.

Shucks. In this economy, wouldn't you cry too? [smile]
Mickey

Monday, December 8, 2008

B*stard or Fat A*s? I'm more offended by the latter.

Some girlfriends chat on the phone, shop or occasionally meet up for drinks as their ritualistic homage to what they call bonding.

Well, one of my friends and I, like clockwork, go to the gym because that's our "bonding time." We take this wonderful cardio salsa class but decided to kick it up a notch and take back-to-back classes - one being our regular class and the other was immediately after.

My friend and I were tired but decided to tough it out and take the second class. ( I think I would have worked out four hours straight just to look stallion-esque in my wedding dress. But, that's another blog.)


Picture this...

We've started the second class which is a combination of kick-boxing and aerobic moves. My friend and I are at the back of the class when a woman gets within one foot of my friend and tells her (abrasively) to, "Move up." My friend says, "No, you go up there."

Reminder: We are in the middle of an engaging aerobic class where we're jumping, kicking, punching - basically where there's a need to have space between all class participants. Point being: The woman was too close to my friend and there was more space on the dance floor. She wanted my friend to move although my friend was already working out and had been in that spot long before she arrived.

(Side-note: Describing this feels like kindergarten again when I wanted my seat saved and my friend was suppose to hold it but didn't and I had to push my way back in it...ok...i digress)

The woman bumps my friend and they slightly shove each other and I kept saying out of sheer shock, "Are you kidding me!" (a.k.a "Ahhh COME ON!)

In the midst of the all the commotion, the lady (who will from now on be called the "offender") gets a staff person to reprimand us. Immediately, I tell the staff person (calmly, I might add) that this woman pushed my friend...and in mid-tattle - the woman yells at me, "You're a liar, you bastard. You fat ass."

OK. Whoa.

I know she yelled more than that, but it was like I couldn't hear anything but "bastard and fat ass." So at that point...I lost my temper. I yelled some unmentionables...and my friend and I decided that we would leave. But my wonderful friend, being the spunky person she is said, "Why should WE leave." So we proceed back to the class. When the offender saw that we were back, she left.

The staff person told us she saw how the woman acted and said to let her know if the woman harasses us again. Apparently, an incident had happened with the same woman and another club member.

Here's my dilemma: I was angrier that the woman called me a fat ass than a bastard. I know my father, he's a wonderful man and very active in my life. But a fat ass? Isn't that why I was in the gym anyway? That went too far. [Smile]

Everyone laughs when my friend and I tell this story, because out of all of this...I was most upset that she called me a fat ass.

Disclaimer: I'm not an insecure woman who is ashamed of her curves. I embrace them. But it was something about being exhausted and trying to fit into a wedding dress that sent me over the edge. For the record...I LOVE MY FAT ASS!

Mickey

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Mac & Me

I think most Americans are visiting family and friends on Thanksgiving or preparing some lavish meal full of the year's guilty-pleasure, carb-busting delights. I'm no exception.

For the past two years, I've attempted a feat that I think rivals that of climbing Mt. Everest or swimming in turbulent waters - making mac & cheese from scratch.

In this case, you may be screaming, "
Ahhh come on!" But seriously, this task has driven me crazy!

Round One - Mac & Cheese Curd (two years ago)
Winner: The Garbage Disposal

I had a large pot of gooey, string-cheese pasta that I could have easily slug on the walls as plaster. It ended up in the garbage disposal.
(*Note to self & others - adding more milk and cheese does not fix the problem)

Round Two - Mac & Cheese Curd Jr. (this year - day before Thanksgiving)
Winner: Draw

I used a recipe where I mixed flour, milk and butter in a saucepan - later adding cheese, then pouring all onto the pasta. I ended up with slight crusty mac, partially cooked egg and ...a lack of cheese. Arg!

Round Three - Mac & Cheese DELIGHT
Winner: ME!

A friend gave me this recipe:


INGREDIENTS
1 Tbsp vegetable oil
1 pound elbow macaroni
8 Tbsp (1 stick) plus 1 Tbsp butter
1/2 (2 oz) shredded Muenster cheese
1/2 (2 oz) shredded Mild Cheddar
1/2 (2 oz) shredded Sharp Cheddar
1/2 (2 oz) shredded Monterey Jack
2 cups half and half
1 cup (8 oz) Velveeta, cut into small cubes
2 Large eggs, lightly beaten
1/4 tspn seasoned salt
1/8 tspn freshly ground black pepper
*zinger - Add unseasoned breadcrumbs (my added touch)

Preheat oven 350. Lightly butter a deep 2 1/2 quart casserole dish.

Boil salted water. Add oil, the macaroni and cook until the macaroni is just tender, about 7 minutes. Don't overcook. Drain. Return macaroni to cooking pot.

In saucepan, melt 8 TBSPS of butter. Stir in mac. In large bowl, mix muenster, mild, sharp and monterey jack cheeses. To the macaroni, add the half and half, 1 1/2 cups of shredded cheese, the cubed velveeta and the eggs. Season with salt and pepper. Transfer to the buttered casserole. Sprinkle remaining 1/2 cup of shredded cheese on top and dot the remaining 1 TBSP of butter on top. Bake until its bubbling around the edges. 35 minutes. Serve hot.

So, I'm pacing the oven checking my concoction because I'm on the verge this time of just making boxed mac & cheese for the rest of my life, when to my surprise...a delightful, nicely browned casserole of wonderful cheesy mac & cheese is pulled from the oven. I have no clue what did it this time, but I'm certain that this was by far the best recipe ever. I completely recommend.

Next up: Green Bean Casserole
This should be fun....

Mickey